Not a Horse or a Whoremonger
Freedom is a wonderful thing! I believe in it. That’s why I believe you are free to believe whatever you want. So am I. So if you want to believe in the brand new, shiny, 1990’s “Bible” doctrine of “Courting” that no one had practiced in 6,000 years I believe you are free to do it. But there is one thing, stay away from my sons!
Courting is no more “biblical” than “dating”… but that’s OK…you believe in it! What it actually ends up being is arranged marriages. So stay away from my sons when you go shopping for a husband for your loose moraled daughter.
You’re like the bank that advertises “We’ll gladly loan you money.” then when the customer tries to borrow some you treat him like a criminal and look for reasons to refuse him.
You all-knowing fathers go shopping for a husband for your daughters and you look at my sons like someone buying a HORSE. Check his teeth, see if he’s “spiritual” enough, is he honest enough for little “Poopsie”, does he hold all of your personal “doctrines”, does your pastor approve of him? Then when you say…”He’ll do”, you start treating him like he’s a WHOREMONGER who can’t be trusted to take your daughter alone to even get a hamburger because he’s going to drag her into bed the instant they’re out of sight.
I’ve heard everything from, “Boys and girls can’t be trusted to talk on the phone because all they will talk about is sex.” I’ve heard of kids getting into trouble for committing “visual intercourse” because they looked at each other as though they were in “love.” But then, of course, there is no place to be found for “love” in this new doctrine. Two young people in love (there’s that word again!) can’t hold hands because that’s the first step to the bedroom. You heard somebody preach that! God never taught you such a thing.
So stay away from my sons when you go husband shopping for that girl who is too retarded or too immoral to be trusted to get the right mate without Daddy’s micro-management. We didn’t raise a HORSE and we didn’t raise a WHOREMONGER! Instead my wife and I have tried to raise these boys according to the Bible rather than some would-be psychologist’s theories. We have tried to raise them in the “fear and admonition of the Lord”. We have endeavored to instill in them the absolute necessity of having a deep personal relationship with the Lord. We have impressed upon the that a young woman is something pure and good and that they are not to defile her in any way. We want them to know that “love” is not “lust”. We have taught them that betraying God is something to be feared…even more than the condemning words of a “new doctrine” preacher. We have taught them that they will have to face that girl everyday of their life with guilt if they violate her in any way prior to their sacred union. In all of that we have added something no “courter” is allowed. Trust! To trust someone means you have to allow them to be able to “cheat” you and have you never find out…but they choose not to.
Nathan handles my books for me. At the beginning of a week I give him $40 to make change. At the end he gives me what he has sold. I never check on him. I trust him! If I assumed the “courting” mentality I would hand Nathan the money, look him dead in the eye and say, “I know you’re going to steal money from me at the first opportunity! So I’m going to have your little brother stand beside you and watch every move you make. Because, in spite of how I raised you I know you’re a stinking thief who can’t be trusted.” I’m not going to do that!
Neither am I going to raise him right and then tell him that I really believe that he’s just a stinking Whoremonger going out with a little harlot (who has also been raised properly) and that they can’t be trusted out of my sight. I’m going to trust him!
Look, every parent knows if their kid can’t be trusted. If your son or daughter has lied to you. If they have been caught doing wrong then they have disqualified themselves from the privilege of being trusted. Put a ball&chain around their foot. Hire a private investigator to follow them around. Buy them a transparent glass car see you can see what they’re doing. They don’t deserve to be trusted. But Please! Let’s not treat our good kids like the bad ones. And let’s not pretend that there aren’t any bad ones.
There is no formula, no rigid program that guarantees success at anything. Look how many diets you’ve tried that guaranteed weight loss and they didn’t work. Courting may be a “good idea”. But a “good idea” is not a doctrine! I’m not advocating kids laying around in cars with steamed up windows. But I’m not raising my kids better than the world does and then treat them worse than the world does.
But this is America. It’s a wonderfully free country. And you can do anything that you want to do. But when you go shopping for a husband for a precious young daughter that you have raised to love and serve God but who you apparently think is really a harlot at heart that is going to jump in bed the instant she’s left unattended … stay away from my sons. They aren’t “worthy” of your daughter. They’ve only been taught to love and fear the Lord and to do right by Him and by any young lady their with.
But we didn’t raise HORSES or WHOREMONGERS. And I don’t want them treated like either one!
One day soon I’ll give you my theory on finding the right husband or wife (without Daddy’s edict). But it will just be a theory, a “good idea”, like courting. But it’s not a doctrine!
Well, it took a few years for the tree to bear it’s fruit, but the courtship advocate of the late 90’s not only kissed dating goodbye, but has now added Christianity and his own wife to the list.
Thank you for writing this article many years ago. It was a great help to me before I was married.