Nineveh, Circa 2005

(The following is how a Bible believer would handle the call of God to preach in Nineveh if it happened in the year 2005.)

Now the word of the LORD came unto Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, “Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry against it; for their wickedness is come up before me.”

But Jonah rose up to flee unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD, and went down to Joppa; and he found a ship going to Tarshish. But the LORD said, “Jonah, what are you doing here? I told you I wanted you to go and preach to Nineveh. I want to see them repent and turn from their sin so I can be glorified.”

“But LORD, there’s no hope for Nineveh. The place is simply too ungodly to even have a hope of repenting.”

“But Jonah, My word won’t return to Me void. I want them to hear My word.”

“LORD! What’s wrong with you? Don’t You know the king of Nineveh is a member of the Skull & Bones Club? He’s no better than the worst of them.”

“Jonah, he talks to me every morning. Did you ever think that there might be some things going on between us that you know nothing about?”

“But LORD! ‘Nineveh’ starts with ‘N’ and that’s the 14th letter of the alphabet. It’s only in the alphabet once so, 14 minus 1 equals 13! Look at that! Don’t you know your Bible?”

“But Jonah, that are 60,000 people there who don’t even know their right hand from their left. I made them! I want worshipped by them and I want you to go in there and reach them for me.”

“Come on, LORD! Nineveh hasn’t got a chance. It was founded by a bunch of rebels. And we both know how You feel about rebellion. Besides, the Holy Spirit has left that area now. He can’t work there anymore.”

“I think you should let Me worry about what I, the Holy Spirit, can still do. I want those people preached to. If they repent they will worship Me and that’s what I want from all My creatures.”

“But there are queers in public, they can’t pray in the schools, their movies are all obscene…they deserve Hell! I can’t wait to see You destroy the place. I’m not doing anything that would turn Your wrath away from them. If they believed the Bible like I do, I might consider it.”

“If they believed the Bible like you do they wouldn’t need the preaching as badly as they do.”

“Well, I’m not wasting my time on a lost cause for a bunch of rebellious pagans who deserve what they get. I’m going to make my life count.”

“What are you going to do in Tarshish? Start a church?”

“Of course not. I’m no compromiser. That would take too much time and too much effort. Your Son will be coming back in the next six months so there’s no sense in starting something so involved.”

“How do you know My Son is returning in the next six months?”

“LORD, You need to read Your Bible. It can’t get any worse than this. We haven’t got time to start any work that takes too much time. I’m just going to tape 30 bumper stickers all over my body and walk down the streets of Tarshish and tell them how rotten they are and visit a jail or two and do a real work for You. Now, if You’ll excuse me, they’re calling for my ship to board. See You in Tarshish.”

Leave a Comment