"A man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." - Proverbs 27:17



Letter From a Friend to Church Ministries
#78: June, 2003

Liberals, the Ultimate Victims of Terrorism
Liberals are always quick to defend terrorists. Yet they are too stupid to realize that they are the ultimate victims of terrorism. Why?

  1. Liberals want to eliminate private guns and terrorist attacks increase gun sales.
  2. Liberals hate for Americans to feel patriotic, but terrorism increases patriotism.
  3. Liberals prefer the U.N. to the U. S., but terrorism makes Americans distrust the U.N.
  4. Liberals hate private cars and promote mass transit. But terrorists' favorite targets are mass transit. If there were no buses there would be no targets.

Another "Proud Heritage" Preserved!
Recently we were driving through New Mexico and heard a radio station that only spoke some worn out, disused Indian dialect. Yep! They were preserving that ancient Indian heritage of "Indian Language Radio Programming"! Wherewould we be without it?!

Pity the Blacks in America
You have to feel sorry for the Blacks in America (known by the News Industry as: "colored", "Negro", "Afro-American", "Black", and presently as "African-American", and next year as...who knows?) when the men who claim to be their leaders are men like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Louis Farrekan. They really are being misused and abused! But not by Whites!

A Proud Heritage!
Liberals are always lauding the "proud heritage" of everyone...except white people. It seems the only people who have a "proud heritage" are black, or red, or yellow; any color but white. Try thinking! What was a "proud heritage" before it passed into history to assume its eternal roll of being a "proud heritage"? It was a "common practice", obviously. Thus, these races had common practices which evil white men have somehow interrupted and thus damaged. Liberals are on a crusade to restore these items of a "proud heritage" to make them once again a common practice. Then, if we look at primitive people today and observe their common practices we will be able to view tomorrow's "proud heritage." Point: in the Congo natives (blacks) are killing people and ripping out their hearts, livers and lungs and eating them while they're still warm. This is part of their religion. (Obviously superior to anything white men have. Right?) They also cut the sex organs off some of their victims and use them for charms because their religion teaches that it brings good luck.

I think we should demand that no one try to stop these practices. After all; if we succeed, someday someone will call them a "proud heritage" and then we'll just get blamed for messing up another "proud" and "noble" race by forcing our "evil" Christian principles on them. Let'em eat each other..."proudly."

How Do You Get Through Life?
You make it through a day, then you make it through a night, then you make it through a day, then you make it through a night, then you make it through a day, then....then you hear a trumpet!

Meeting the 7000

A 92 year old man
I spoke with a pastor, but can't remember who, about a 92 year old man in his church who absolutely loves the Lord. He told me that hewas talking with this man and told him he was going to be starting a specialchurch visitation program. The man asked him, "When?" and the pastor told him it would be in a few months. The spry old Christian said, "I don't have enough time left to wait. Till then I'll just take a young man with me and start door knocking to help train him."

God would be blessed if we all had such zeal and determination!

A Good Neighbor?
I've been told that when News Industry billionaire Ted Turner began buying up huge tracts of land in Montana, those living nearby soonfound he was less than a good neighbor. Turner put guards up and closed a publicroad that crossed his property (later reopened by court order), he also strunga cable across a river to stop fisherman (that was also reopened) and had guntotting guards remove anyone who strayed onto his land, telling them to leave orthey'd have to be "packed" off. Liberals are such loving people.

Girls, Are Your Stupid?
Stupid girls have to get in bed with every guy they go out with because they have nothing else to offer to the relationship. No brain, only a body. The TV show "Bachelorette" is a good example. A moral woman would never have been chosen. Some opportunities are only open to brainless, immoral women. Just ask Monica.

Fight on!
Henry Oleson was the foreman for a railroad section gang of Chinese workers near Missoula, Montana in 1901. One day, while his men were busy working, three black bears approached them; one, full grown and two half grown cubs. Oleson, bare-handed, charged the biggest one before it could assault his men. The two wrestled around until Oleson secured a small club and rapped the beast on the nose. Then he grabbed an iron bridge bolt and finished the job. He protected his men. Fight on!

Where Are They Now?

  • Saddam Hussein - FOUND! He's running a convenience store in Dearborn, Michigan.
  • "Bagdad Bob" - His accuracy in reporting has landed him a job as Peter Arnett's replacement.
  • Peter Arnett - Has an upcoming appearance as an alien on Star Trek, the Next Generation without makeup.
  • Bill Clinton - Last seen chasing a TV camera crew shouting, "Here I am! Take my picture!"
  • Ted Turner - Shedding more stock of his losing companies.
  • Dixie Chicks - Waiting on tables in a dirty little "greasy spoon" restaurant where they belong.

"You Are the Guest of Honor!"
We often hear stories about how an American missionary has to go to the mission field and eat whatever is offered by the natives or "they'll be offended." Jerry Fitzgerald, missionary to Mongolia, went hunting with a group of Mongolians. He shot and killed some animal and was told that Mongolian tradition ruled that they all had to eat the liver raw...and he got the first bite. Not wanting to offend his hosts, he steeled himself, took a bite and fought it down. Then he offered it to them. They all recoiled and declared there was no way they'd ever eat that!

John F. Kennedy's Dream
"If I had my life to live over again, I would have a different father,a different wife and a different religion."



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