now my ministry consists of: preaching, teaching on the King James Bible, writing,
this newsletter, a soon-to-be radio program, and several other minor things.
But I have decided to expand my ministry into yet another area. I'm going to
start doing seminars where I will be teaching Brain Surgery. What? Have I ever
performed brain surgery? No. But I'm not going to perform brain surgery--only
teach future brain surgeons how to do it. I have some private theories on the
practice that I've always wanted to expound on so I'm really going to do well.
I'm not even going to show up for the seminars. I'm going to send videos; and
they'll be shown on large screens; and I'll charge the suck ... er ... I mean,
my "Clients" to come and watch. I should make millions!
don't think anyone will come? You don't think anyone would be
Stupid as to let someone who never performed brain surgery teach them how to
do it? Well, under normal circumstances
would be right. But I will only be dealing with Christians. Fortunately for
me, experience means nothing to Christians. I will be able to foist all kinds
of worthless theories on them. They'll believe me.
How do I know? Well, I heard about this guy that has never been married and
who has no children. Yet this guy does seminars where he teaches how to have
a good marriage and how to raise children. He doesn't even show up for the seminars.
He just sends a video and the then charges the suck ... er ... I rnean, "his
Clients" to watch them. (This guy's a genius!) How does he get away with it?
Easy. He only deals with Christians. Apparently he has come to realize that
Christians are not too bright. They'll believe anyone who claims to be an expert.
I figure I'll simply read a book about Brain Surgery, proclaim myself an expert,
start the new ministry, and wait for the suck ... er ... I rnean, "Clients"
to start sending in their checks. I should make millions!
Why? Well, if Christians are so dumb that they'll pay a man who is not a husband
and not a father teach thern his theories on such two important subjects, then
surely they'll buy my
stuff on Brain Surgery. After all, what could be more importarnt to them than
raising their kids, right? And they'll listen to a know-nothing for advice on
that. Why wouldn't they listen to my know-nothing theories on sornething that
will probably never affect them? Brain Surgery.
No please! No flattery! I know it takes a great and cunning mind to come up
with my "Brain Surgery" scam. But I'm not the genius! It's that other guy. He's
been doing it for years, and they're still lining up
to give him their money.
But I guess neither of us would make it if it weren't for Christians. Am I ever
glad they never stop and think!